Ok, if you are reading this, you already know that that "Happily Ever After" is riddled with chaos and complications. I am often asked, "How do I know if my guy is a narcissist?" The easiest answer is "Ask them". I have never met a narcissist who doesn't subscribe to the belief, "I am all that".
However, if that seems too simplistic, then continue reading.
Let's start by exploring narcissism. The word itself comes from Greek mythology in which a gorgeous young man named Narcissus was so self absorbed with his own greatness that no other being could capture his heart. That is, until he saw his own reflection in the water. Poor chap, Narcissus could not understand why the beautiful creature did not reciprocate his love, remained by the water's edge hoping to convince the image otherwise, but eventually withered away and died waiting.
Like Narcissus, narcissistic traits extend beyond healthy self-confidence. Many psychoanalysts argue the merits of Healthy Narcissism. Understood. While I agree that there are benefits to those "I love me moments" and being active participants in creating our own happy, one crosses into the narcissistic kingdom when manipulative behaviors and a perverse sense of entitlement become the norm to meet said needs and reinforce an already inflated self-image.
The American Psychological Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM) sets the baseline for Narcissistic Personality Disorder as: Behavior or a fantasy of grandiosity, a lack of empathy and a need to be admired by others.
You might also notice:
An inflated sense of importance; exaggerated talents and achievements.
A belief of being special and unique and can only be understood or a need to associate with people of high status.
Fantasies of and preoccupied with beauty, brilliance, ideal love, power, or unlimited success.
Strives to win at any cost.
An intense craving for excessive admiration.
An unreasonable expectation of being treated with favor.
Manipulation of others to achieve her / his goals.
Lack of empathy.
Belief that others are envious of her/him or is envious of others.
Contemptuous or haughty attitudes / behaviors.
A belief of being special and unique; can only be understood by or a need to associate with people of high status.
So, without further ado:
7 Signs Your Fairytale is a Bust. Prince Charming? Not so much.
1. You are treated like a treasured princess... At first. This gives you a taste of "a fairytale love". Prince Charming "Not" (PCN) will work you, draw you in, make you stick around and give false hope of a future- but you will always have to earn it. PCN matters more- you should feel honored to be in his life.
2. PCN treats the common folk poorly. PCN has little use and blatant disregard for those who serve no purpose (if you do not stroke the ego or factor into the master plan- you are dismissed).
3. The spotlight shines on PCN's golden locks. If you are in his inner space, you may bask in the glow of a wonderful fairytale where all is right, unicorns frolic and rainbows shine bright. As PCN walks, the light stays centered on his head; you may find yourself in the dark to fend off the villains alone. Piss him off, you will be replaced or manipulated into properly behaving in order to have light.
4. Friends and family are considered common folk. He discourages interactions, promotes isolation, and removes anyone he perceives a threat. "The easier to manipulate you it is my pretty"
5. PCN has a history of beheadings and a sketchy past. PCNs rarely have stable relationships (if any relationship at all) with family or people in their past. Ex's are not around to tell you what a d-bag he is. He took care of them; of course the breakups were never his/her fault. He is perfect, never at fault and will remind you how amazing he is.
6. The only image in the mirror is his. PCN might encourage you with compliments initially to draw you into his/her light and manipulate; yet, the mirror is his. "Mirror, mirror on the wall... PCN doesn't share at all." Life is all about PCN, his needs, his wants, and his trophies... PCN period. PCN, PCN, PCN.
7. PCN is your poison apple. PCN is your energy drainer, fun sucker, and will leave you in a fog. You find yourself on a poison merry-go-round. You try to make PCN happy, fail, are rejected, try harder… PCN pulls you in- gives you another bite and the pain increases. It's to manipulate you and keep you in your place my pretty.
Here is a glimpse in the looking ball: if PCN has an inflated sense of self, is preoccupied with fantasies (of looks, success, intellect, or power), is terminally unique, requires excessive amounts of admiration, behaves like a bully, and lacks empathy- go, rather RUN the opposite direction. Odds are you will be imprisoned in a cycle of cray-cray with little hope of true love or happiness.
About the Author: Dr. Jude Black is the CEO & Founder of E-Therapy Cafe. She is our Story Lover, Emotional Healer, Chaos Calmer, Change Catalyst, Resiliency Ninja, & Life Expert. To schedule a session with Dr. Black, click here.
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